Centerville man claims he has new commandments

Bonanzadance, a deranged Centerville man, is claiming to have seen a vision late one night in his bedroom where he supposedly received what he calls 'new commandments' that all mankind must abide by or they 'will receive imminent death'. Among these new commandments are as he claims, "Thou shalt not watch sports" and "Thou shalt not be jockish" and "Thou shalt not cleave unto anything sports related". This 'prophet', who's elevator obviously doesn't go to the top floor, is often seen standing out on several Centerville street corners wearing only a tunic and shouting incoherent commands at passersby. So as college football, and NFL games are soon underway, expect his brother and father to drop dead due to their perpetual abuse of these 'new' commands from a grown man who prefers to watch cartoons instead of a crystal clear HD view of an exciting sporting event. HAPPY BIRTHDAY IDIOT!!!!!!!!